Ooga Ooga Tales

In the in the time before dreaming, before the Dreamtime,  when most of the planet was covered with woods and unfucked my Man and before the magnificent world forest turned into oil which we can spill so deftly …  apes used to sing,

“Ooga ooga ooga.” Echoed through the cathedral aisles of the primeval forest. , heavy morning mists lay over the treetops. The ape voices carried to reaches of their world. They would sing in in unison, confirming that world was in tune, that it was ALL right and in peace.

Apes would climb down on a rare clearing and wobble in a stately procession around rock outcropping adorned with bananas and nuts singing:

“Ooga ooga ooga.” making sure that everything remained all right in the world.

And so it went for untold eons.

Until one day a little brat,  Oogy Moogy, went to his grandfather and asked:

“Granpa, why the hell we always have to sing Oooga Oooga?”

“And what would you have us sing, little one?  Ooga ooga works pretty good, you know,” said the grand patriarch Donko Woogo, deftly polishing a serving of ants from the stick he was so good at using.

“How about Wooga wooga?” said the clever brat.

“That sound pretty good to me.” said Donko Woogo. “All right, we’ll sing wooga wooga from now on. I have spoken.”

And so Woogo’s clan sang:

“Wooga wooga wooga.”

But his  great uncle Ooogo Dooit declared it a heresy and his clan went on singing Oooga Oooga.

Unfortunately he had a brother, Loogo Loly and he had an idea now.  His clan stated singing:

“Looga looga looga.”

And so it went.

Soon across the beautiful green-blue globe the clans were singing an orthodox Oooga Ooga. The protesting ones were singing: Wooga and Looga, Weega and Zooga, Hooga and B’ooga… the anarchist ones sang: Ni Ni Ni and Eeki Eeki Eeki and the groovy ones even sang: “Sock it to me, baby.”

It could not last and after millions of years of living in rut apes invented two new things: politics and war.

Finally  Oogy Moogy, now an old patriarch himself fought his way through the opposing factions to the largest clearing and cried:

But it was too late. They were all speaking in tongues now and on their way to shed the fur.


~ by Wolffie on August 11, 2010.

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